Coursework: Basic rules of business etiquette. The history of etiquette from antiquity to the present day When etiquette arose

Class hour in 7th grade

Topic"Rules of Etiquette in Public Places".

Target:to form students' understanding of the basic ethical norms and skills of cultural communication.

Introductory speech of the teacher:

Etiquette is a kind of code of good manners and rules of conduct.
Knowledge of etiquette allows a person to make a good impression with his appearance, manner of speaking, ability to maintain a conversation, behave at the table.

Man lives among people. The attitude of other people towards you depends on many factors, including the inner qualities of the personality, but people need time to get to know you.

Russian proverb says: "They meet by their clothes." This means that a lot depends on what impression the person makes. Appearance, manners of behavior determine the perception of one person by another. And the bridge connecting the inner world of a person with his inner manifestation is etiquette. Do you know what exactly is etiquette? And what is it?

Italy is considered the birthplace of etiquette.

England and France are usually called: "the classical countries of etiquette." However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Roughness of morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century dominate both countries. You can not talk about Germany and other countries of the then Europe at all, only Italy of that time is an exception. The ennoblement of the morals of Italian society begins already in the XIV century. Man passed from feudal mores to the spirit of modern times, and this transition began in Italy earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy of the 15th century with other peoples of Europe, then a higher degree of education, wealth, and the ability to decorate one's life immediately catches the eye. And at the same time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining until the middle of the 16th century a country of barbarians. In Germany, the cruel and implacable war of the Hussites raged, the nobility was ignorant, fist law prevailed, the resolution of all disputes by force. France was enslaved and devastated by the British, the French did not recognize any merit other than military, they not only did not respect science, but even abhorred it and considered all scientists the most insignificant of people.

While the rest of Europe was immersed in strife, and the feudal order was still in full force, Italy was the land of a new culture. This country deserves to rightly be called the birthplace of etiquette.

Etiquette is a word of French origin, meaning demeanor. It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness adopted in society.

There are different types of etiquette:

ü official (business);

ü diplomatic;

ü military;

ü pedagogical;

ü medical;

ü etiquette in public places.

Most of the rules of diplomatic, military and general civil etiquette coincide to some extent. The difference between them lies in the fact that more importance is attached to the observance of the rules of etiquette by diplomats, since deviation from them or violation of these rules can damage the prestige of the country or its official representatives and lead to complications in the relations between states.

As the conditions of human life change, the growth of formations and culture, some rules of behavior are replaced by others. What used to be considered indecent becomes generally accepted, and vice versa. But the requirements of etiquette are not absolute: their observance depends on the place, time and circumstances. Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under one circumstance may be appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

Every cultured person should not only know and observe the basic norms of etiquette, but also understand the need for certain rules and relationships. Manners largely reflect the internal culture of a person, his moral and intellectual qualities. The ability to behave correctly in society is very important: it facilitates the establishment of contacts, contributes to the achievement of mutual understanding, creates good, stable relationships.
It should be noted that a tactful and well-mannered person behaves in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only at official ceremonies, but also at home.

Manners - a way to keep oneself, an external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, a walk characteristic of a person, gestures and even facial expressions.

Is the school a public place?

Etiquette is closely related to the rules of courtesy.

Who knows where the word POLITENESS came from?

The word "politeness" comes from the Old Slavonic "vezhe", i.e. "connoisseur". To be polite, therefore, to know how to behave, to treat others with respect.

"Are you a polite person?!"

1. You will learn to maintain the freedom of your actions and decisions without offending others.

2. You will learn:

ü do not interrupt;

do not make noise;

ü do not sniff;

ü do not yawn aloud;

ü do not wipe your shoes on the leg of your trousers;

ü recognize everything that distinguishes a civilized person from a savage.

INTERNATIONAL ETIQUETTE Communication between representatives of different countries, different political views, religious beliefs and rituals, national traditions and psychology, ways of life and culture requires not only knowledge of foreign languages, but also the ability to behave naturally, tactfully and with dignity, which is extremely necessary and important at meetings with people from other countries. Such skill does not come by itself. This should be learned throughout life. The courtesy rules of every nation are a very complex combination of national traditions, customs and international etiquette. And wherever you are, in whatever country you are, the hosts have the right to expect attention from the guest, interest in their country, respect for their customs.

secular etiquette
Previously, the word "light" meant an intelligent: a privileged and well-mannered society. "light" consisted of people distinguished by their intelligence, learning, some kind of talent, or at least their politeness. At present, the concept of "light" is departing, but secular rules of behavior remain. Secular etiquette is nothing more than the knowledge of decency, the ability to behave in society in such a way as to earn universal approval and not offend anyone with any of their actions.

Conversation rules

Here are a few principles that should be followed in a conversation, because the manner of speaking is the second most important thing after the manner of dressing, which a person pays attention to and which forms the first impression a person has about his interlocutor.

The tone of conversation should be smooth and natural, but not pedantic and playful, that is, you need to be learned, but not pedantic, cheerful, but not making noise, polite but not exaggerating politeness. In the "light" they talk about everything, but they do not delve into anything. Any serious controversy should be avoided in conversations, especially in conversations about politics and religion.

To be able to listen is the same necessary condition for a polite and well-mannered person as to be able to speak, and if you want to be listened to, you need to listen to others yourself, or at least pretend that you are listening.

In society, one should not start talking about oneself until specifically asked, since only very close friends (and even then hardly) can be interested in the personal affairs of anyone.

How to behave at the table

There is no need to rush to lay out your napkin, it is better to wait until others do it. It is indecent to wipe your appliances at a party, with friends, as by doing this you show your distrust of the owners, but this is permissible in restaurants.

Bread should always be broken into pieces over your plate, so as not to crumble on the tablecloth, cut your piece of bread with a knife or bite off a whole slice.

Soup should not be eaten from the end of the spoon, but from the side edge.

For oysters, lobsters, and indeed for all soft foods (such as meat, fish, etc.), only knives should be used.

It is considered very indecent to eat fruits by biting directly from them. It is necessary to peel the fruit with a knife, cut the fruit into pieces, cut out the core with grains and only after that eat.

No one should ask to be served first with a dish to show their impatience in any way. If you want to drink at the table, then you should stretch your glass to the one who pours.

Test your knowledge of etiquette

1. You borrowed a coffee grinder from a neighbor and accidentally broke it. What are you going to do?

1. apologize to her (1)

2. give her money (3)

3. I will buy her exactly the same (5)

2. The concert you came to was very bad. You have decided to leave him. When is the best time to do this?

1. immediately (artists must be educated so as not to hack) (1)

2. intermission (5)

3. at the end of any song (3)

3. Do I have to knock when entering someone's office?

1. yes, you never know what the owner does (1)

2. no, as privacy is not a concern in the workplace (5)

3. only in the boss's office (3)

4. You were invited to a business dinner. A toast was made. Before you empty your glass, you must...

1. clink glasses with those sitting nearby (3)

2. clink glasses with everyone (1)

3. raise a glass and look around the audience (5)

5. Your interlocutor sneezed several times in a row, you ...

1. keep quiet (5)

2. tell him once "Bless you" (3)

3. you will wish him health after each "sneeze" (1)

6. You were 15 minutes late for your rendezvous. What will you do?

1. nothing (5)

2. sorry (3)

3. give good reasons (1)

From 5 to 14 points. Alas... You don't have to be proud of your good knowledge of etiquette. But we'll fix it. Ask friends to openly point out your mistakes to you. This information is invaluable!
From 15 to 29 points. In terms of etiquette, you are among the majority of people who more or less know the basics of good manners. But sometimes you make annoying mistakes in the little things.
From 30 points. Bravo! Your manners are impeccable. You come out of any situation with honor and leave a favorable impression. Do you by any chance serve in the diplomatic sector?

Summarizing

Intelligence is not only in knowledge, but also in the ability to understand the other. It manifests itself in a thousand and thousand little things: in the ability to argue respectfully, to behave modestly at the table, in the ability to quietly help another, to protect nature, not to litter around oneself - not to litter with cigarette butts or swearing, bad ideas.

Intelligence is a tolerant attitude towards the world and towards people. At the heart of all good manners is the concern that the person does not interfere with the person, so that everyone feels good together. We must be able not to interfere with each other. It is necessary to educate in oneself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a careful attitude to the world, to society, to nature, to one's past.

No need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need for a respectful attitude towards others.

England and France are usually called: "the classical countries of etiquette." However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Rudeness of morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century they dominate both countries. One can not talk about Germany and other countries of Europe at that time, only Italy of that time is an exception. The ennoblement of the morals of Italian society begins already in the XIV century. Man passed from feudal mores to the spirit of modern times, and this transition began in Italy earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy of the 15th century with other peoples of Europe, then a higher degree of education, wealth, and the ability to decorate one's life immediately catches the eye. And at the same time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining until the middle of the 16th century a country of barbarians. In Germany, the cruel and implacable war of the Hussites raged, the nobility was ignorant, fist law prevailed, the resolution of all disputes by force. France was enslaved and devastated by the British, the French did not recognize any merit other than military, they not only did not respect science, but even all scientists the most insignificant of people.

In short, while the rest of Europe was engulfed in civil strife, and feudal orders were still in full force, Italy was the country of a new culture. This country deserves to rightly be called the birthplace of etiquette.

The concept of etiquette

The established norms of morality are the result of a long process of establishing relationships between people. Without observance of these norms, political, economic, cultural relations are impossible, because it is impossible to exist without respecting each other, without imposing certain restrictions on oneself.

Etiquette is a word of French origin, meaning demeanor. It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness adopted in society.

Modern etiquette inherits the customs of almost all peoples from hoary antiquity to the present day. Basically, these rules of conduct are universal, since they are observed by representatives not only of a given society, but also by representatives of the most diverse socio-political systems that exist in the modern world. The peoples of each country make their own amendments and additions to etiquette, due to the social system of the country, the specifics of its historical structure, national traditions and customs.

There are several types of etiquette, the main of which are:

- court etiquette - a strictly regulated procedure and forms of treatment established at the courts of monarchs;
- diplomatic etiquette - rules of conduct for diplomats and other officials in contact with each other at various diplomatic receptions, visits, negotiations;
-military etiquette - a set of rules, norms and manners of behavior of military personnel generally accepted in the army in all areas of their activity;
General civil etiquette - a set of rules, traditions and conventions observed by citizens when communicating with each other.

The norms of etiquette, in contrast to the norms of morality, are conditional, they are, as it were, the nature of an unwritten agreement about what is generally accepted in people's behavior and what is not. Every cultured person should not only know and observe the basic norms of etiquette, but also understand the need for certain rules and relationships. Manners largely reflect the internal culture of a person, his moral and intellectual qualities. The ability to behave correctly in society is very important: it facilitates the establishment of contacts, contributes to the achievement of mutual understanding, creates good, stable relationships.

It should be noted that a tactful and well-mannered person behaves in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only at official ceremonies, but also at home. Genuine politeness, which is based on benevolence, is determined by an act, a sense of proportion, suggesting what can and cannot be done under certain circumstances. Such a person will never violate public order, will not offend another by word or deed, will not offend his dignity.

Unfortunately, there are people with a double standard of behavior: one - in public, the other - at home. At work, with acquaintances and friends, they are polite, helpful, but at home they do not stand on ceremony with relatives, are rude and not tactful. This speaks of a low culture of a person and a bad upbringing.

Modern etiquette regulates the behavior of people at home, at work, in public places and on the street, at a party and at various official events - receptions, ceremonies, negotiations.

So, etiquette is a very large and important part of human culture, morality, morality, developed over many centuries of life by all peoples in accordance with their ideas of goodness, justice, humanity - in the field of moral culture and beauty, order, improvement, everyday expediency - in areas of material culture.

Good manners

One of the basic principles of modern life is the maintenance of normal relations between people and the desire to avoid conflicts. In turn, respect and attention can only be earned with respect for courtesy and restraint. Therefore, nothing is valued by the people around us as dearly as politeness and delicacy. But in life we often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, disrespect for the personality of another person. The reason here is that we underestimate the culture of human behavior, his manners.

Manners - a way to behave, an external form of behavior, treatment of other people, expressions used in speech, tone, intonation, gait, gesticulation and even facial expressions characteristic of a person.

In society, modesty and restraint of a person, the ability to control one's actions, to communicate carefully and tactfully with other people are considered good manners. It is customary to consider bad manners habits of speaking loudly, not embarrassed in expressions, swagger in gestures and behavior, slovenliness in clothes, rudeness, manifested in frank hostility to others, in disregard for other people's interests and requests, in shamelessly imposing one's will and desires on other people, in the inability to restrain one's irritation, in the deliberate insult to the dignity of the people around, in tactlessness, foul language, the use of humiliating nicknames nicknames.

Manners refer to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette. Etiquette implies a benevolent and respectful attitude towards all people, regardless of their position and social status. It includes courteous treatment of a woman, respectful attitude towards elders, forms of addressing elders, forms of address and greetings, rules of conversation, table manners. In general, etiquette in a civilized society coincides with the general requirements of politeness, which are based on the principles of humanism.

A prerequisite for communication is delicacy. Delicacy should not be excessive, turn into flattery, lead to unjustified praise of what you see or hear. It is not necessary to hide hard that you are seeing something for the first time, listening to it, tasting it, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

Politeness

Everyone knows the expressions: "cold politeness", "icy politeness", "contemptuous politeness", in which the epithets added to this wonderful human quality not only kill its essence, but turn it into its opposite.

Emerson defines politeness as "the sum of small sacrifices" that we bring to those around us with whom we enter into certain life relationships.

Unfortunately, the beautiful statement of Cervantes is completely erased: "Nothing costs so little and is not valued so dearly as politeness." True politeness can only be benevolent, since it is one of the manifestations of sincere, disinterested benevolence in relation to all other people with whom a person has to meet at work, in the house where he lives, in public places. With workmates, with many acquaintances in everyday life, politeness can turn into friendship, but organic benevolence towards people in general is an obligatory basis for politeness. A true culture of behavior is where a person's actions in all situations, their content and external manifestation follow from the moral principles of morality and correspond to them.

One of the main elements of politeness is the ability to remember names. Here is how D. Carnega says about it. “Most people don’t remember names because they don’t want to spend time and energy focusing, solidifying, indelibly imprinting these names in their memory. They make excuses for themselves that they are too busy. However, they are hardly more busy than Franklin Roosevelt, and he found time to remember and, on occasion, even recall the names of mechanics with whom he had to come into contact ... F. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most intelligible and most effective ways to win the favor of those around you is to remember their names and instill in them the consciousness of their own significance.

Tact and sensitivity

The content of these two noble human qualities, attention, deep respect for the inner world of those with whom we communicate, the desire and ability to understand them, to feel what can give them pleasure, joy, or vice versa, cause them irritation, annoyance, resentment. Tact, sensitivity is also a sense of proportion that should be observed in conversation, in personal and official relations, the ability to feel the boundary beyond which, as a result of our words and actions, a person experiences undeserved resentment, grief, and sometimes pain. A tactful person always takes into account specific circumstances: the difference in age, gender, social status, the place of conversation, the presence or absence of strangers.

Respect for others is a prerequisite for tact, even between good comrades. You probably had to deal with a situation when at a meeting someone casually throws "nonsense", "nonsense", etc. during the speeches of his comrades. Such behavior often becomes the reason that when he himself begins to speak out, even his sound judgments are met with a chill by the audience. They say about such people:

"Nature gave him so much respect for people that he only needs it for himself." Self-respect without respect for others inevitably degenerates into self-conceit, swagger, arrogance.

The culture of behavior is equally obligatory on the part of the lower in relation to the higher. It is expressed primarily in an honest attitude to one's duties, in strict discipline, as well as in respect, courtesy, tact in relation to the leader. The same is true for colleagues. Demanding a respectful attitude towards yourself, ask yourself the question more often: do you answer them the same way.

Tact, sensitivity also imply the ability to quickly and accurately determine the reaction of the interlocutors to our statement, actions, and, in necessary cases, self-critically, without a sense of false shame, apologize for the mistake made. This will not only not lower your dignity, but, on the contrary, will strengthen it in the opinion of thinking people, showing them your exceptionally valuable human trait - modesty.

2. Business etiquette

Decency is the least important of all the laws of society and the most honored. F. La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680), French moralist writer

At the beginning of the 18th century, Peter the Great issued a decree according to which everyone who behaved "in violation of etiquette" was subject to punishment.

Etiquette is a word of French origin, meaning demeanor. Italy is considered the birthplace of etiquette. Etiquette prescribes the norms of behavior on the street, in public transport, at a party, in the theater, at business and diplomatic receptions, at work, etc.

Unfortunately, in life we often encounter rudeness and harshness, disrespect for the personality of another. The reason is that we underestimate the importance of the culture of human behavior, his manners.

Manners are the way one behaves, the external form of behavior, the treatment of other people, as well as the tone, intonations and expressions used in speech. In addition, these are gestures, gait, facial expressions that are characteristic of a person.

Modesty and restraint of a person in the manifestation of his actions, the ability to control his behavior, to treat other people carefully and tactfully are considered good manners. Bad manners are considered; the habit of talking and laughing loudly; swagger in behavior; the use of obscene expressions; coarseness; slovenliness of appearance; manifestation of hostility to others; inability to restrain one's irritation; faux pas. Manners refer to the culture of human behavior and are regulated by etiquette, and the true culture of behavior is where a person's actions in all situations are based on moral principles.

Back in 1936, Dale Carnegie wrote that the success of a person in his financial affairs is 15 percent dependent on his professional knowledge and 85 percent on his ability to communicate with people.

Business etiquette is a set of rules of conduct in business, service relations. It is the most important side of the morality of the professional behavior of a business person.

Although etiquette presupposes the establishment of only external forms of behavior, but without an internal culture, without observing ethical standards, real business relations cannot develop. Jen Yager, in her book Business Etiquette, points out that every issue of etiquette, from boasting to exchanging gifts, must be dealt with in the light of ethical standards. Business etiquette prescribes observance of the rules of cultural behavior, respect for a person.

Jen Yager has formulated six basic commandments of business etiquette.

1. Do everything on time. Being late not only interferes with work, but is also the first sign that a person cannot be relied upon. The “on time” principle applies to reports and any other tasks assigned to you.

2. Don't talk too much. The meaning of this principle is that you must keep the secrets of an institution or a particular transaction with the same care as personal secrets. Never retell to anyone what you sometimes hear from a colleague, manager or subordinate about their personal life.

3. Be kind, friendly and welcoming. Your clients, customers, buyers, colleagues or subordinates can find fault with you as much as they like, it doesn’t matter: all the same, you must behave politely, affably and kindly.

4. Think of others, not just yourself. Attention should be shown not only in relation to customers or customers, it extends to colleagues, superiors and subordinates. Always listen to criticism and advice from colleagues, superiors and subordinates. Don't be quick to snap when someone questions the quality of your work, show that you value other people's thoughts and experiences. Self-confidence should not prevent you from being humble.

5. Dress appropriately.

6. Speak and write in good language 1 .

Etiquette is expressed in various aspects of our behavior. For example, a variety of human movements, postures that he takes can have etiquette meaning. Compare the polite position facing the interlocutor and the impolite position with your back to him. Such etiquette is called non-verbal (i.e. wordless). However, speech plays the most important role in the etiquette expression of relations with people - this is verbal etiquette.

The Persian writer and thinker Saadi (between 1203 and 1210-1292) said: “Whether you are smart or stupid, whether you are great or small, we do not know until you have said a word.” The spoken word, like an indicator, will show the level of a person's culture. I. Ilf and E. Petrov in the novel "The Twelve Chairs" ridiculed a miserable set of words from the lexicon of Ellochka-"cannibals". But Ellochka and her kind are often encountered and they speak in jargon. Jargon is a "spoiled language", the purpose of which is to isolate a certain group of people from the rest of society. The most important aspect of speech etiquette is the inadmissibility of slang words and obscene language.

A prominent place in business etiquette is occupied by the words of greeting, gratitude, appeal, apology. The seller turned to the buyer on "you", someone did not thank for the service, did not apologize for the offense - ~ such a failure to comply with the norms of speech etiquette turns into an insult, and sometimes conflicts.

Specialists in business etiquette attach great importance to the appeal, because the form of further communication depends on how we address a person. The everyday Russian language has not developed a universal appeal, as, for example, in Poland - “pan”, “pani”, therefore, when

1 Yager J. Business etiquette. How to survive and succeed in the business world: Per. from English. - M., 1994. - S. 17-26.

when addressing a stranger, it is better to use an impersonal form: “sorry, how can I get through ...”, “please, ...” but it is not always possible to do without a specific address. For example: “Dear comrades! Due to the repair of the escalator, the entrance to the metro is limited.” The word "comrade" is originally Russian, before the revolution they denoted the position: "comrade of the minister." In the dictionary of the Russian language by S.I. Ozhegov, one of the meanings of the word "comrade" is "a person close to someone in terms of common views, activities, living conditions, etc., as well as a person who is friendly to someone."

The word "citizen" is also used in everyday life. "Citizen! Don't break the rules of the road!" - it sounds strictly and officially, but from the appeal: “Citizen, stand in line!” it blows cold and a long distance between those who communicate. Unfortunately, gender-based appeals are most often used: “Man, move over!”, “Woman, remove the bag from the aisle!” In speech communication, in addition, there are historically established stereotypes. These are the words "sir", "madame", "mister" and the plural of "gentlemen", "ladies". In business circles, the address "mister" is used.

When using any form of address, it should be remembered that it must demonstrate respect for the person, take into account gender, age and the specific situation. It is important to feel exactly who we are talking to.

How to address colleagues, subordinates, manager? After all, the choice of treatment in official relations is rather limited. The official forms of address in business communication are the words "master" and "comrade". For example, “Mr. Director”, “Comrade Ivanov”, that is, after the words of the appeal, it is necessary to indicate the position or surname. You can often hear how a manager addresses a subordinate by his last name: "Petrov, bring me a report for the first quarter." Agree that such an appeal has a connotation of disrespectful attitude of the leader to the subordinate. Therefore, such an appeal should not be used, it is better to replace it with a patronymic name. Addressing by name and patronymic corresponds to the Russian tradition. This is not only a form of address, but also a demonstration of respect for a person, an indicator of his authority, his position in society.

A semi-formal address is an address in the form of a full name (Dmitry, Maria), which involves using both the appeal "you" and "you" in a conversation. This form of address is infrequent and can set up interlocutors for a strict tonality of the conversation, for its seriousness, and sometimes means dissatisfaction with the speaker. Usually such a treatment is used by the elders in relation to the younger ones. In official relations, you should always refer to "you". While maintaining the formality of relations, strive to bring an element of goodwill and warmth into them.

It is necessary to observe delicacy so that any appeal does not turn into familiarity and familiarity, which are typical when addressing only by patronymic: “Nikolaich”, “Mikhalych”. An appeal in this form is possible from an elderly subordinate, most often a worker, to a young boss (foreman, foreman). Or, conversely, a young specialist turns to an elderly worker: "Petrovich, try to finish the work by lunchtime." But sometimes such an appeal carries a shade of self-irony. With this form of conversation, the appeal to "you" is used.

In business communication, great importance is attached to transitions in address from “you” to “you” and vice versa, the transition from official address to semi-official and everyday. These transitions betray our relationship to each other. For example, if the boss always addressed you by your first name and patronymic, and then, having called you into his office, suddenly turned by your name, we can assume that a confidential conversation is ahead. And vice versa, if in the communication of two people who had an address by name, the first name and patronymic are suddenly used, then this may indicate a strained relationship or the formality of the upcoming conversation.

An important place in business etiquette is occupied by a greeting. Meeting each other, we exchange phrases: “Hello”, “Good afternoon (morning, evening)”, “Hi”. People celebrate a meeting with each other in different ways: for example, the military salute, men shake hands, young people wave their hands, sometimes people hug when they meet. In greeting, we wish each other health, peace, happiness. In one of his poems, the Russian Soviet writer Vladimir Alekseevich Soloukhin (1924-1997) wrote:

Hello!

Bowing, we said to each other,

Although they were complete strangers. Hello!

What special topics did we say to each other?

Just "Hello", we didn't say anything else.

Why did a drop of sun increase in the world?

Why did life become a little more joyful?

We will try to answer the questions: “How to greet?”, “Whom and where to greet?”, “Who greets first?”

Entering the office (room, reception) it is customary to greet the people there, even if you do not know them. The youngest, a man with a woman, a subordinate with a boss, a girl with an elderly man greet first, but when shaking hands, the order is reversed: the elder, the boss, the woman gives the first hand. If a woman confines herself to a bow when greeting, then a man should not extend his hand to her. It is not customary to shake hands over a threshold, a table, through any obstacle.

Greeting a man, a woman does not get up. When greeting a man, it is always recommended to get up, except when it may disturb others (theatre, cinema) or when it is inconvenient to do so (for example, in a car). If a man wants to emphasize a special disposition towards a woman, then when he greets him, he kisses her hand. The woman puts her hand with the edge of her palm to the floor, the man turns her hand so that it is on top. It is recommended to lean towards the hand, but it is not necessary to touch it with your lips, while remembering that it is better to kiss the lady’s hand indoors and not outdoors. The rules to greet each other are valid for all peoples, although the forms of manifestation can vary significantly.

A prerequisite for business contact is the culture of speech. Cultural speech is, first of all, correct, competent speech and, in addition, the right tone of communication, manner of speaking, and precisely chosen words. The larger the vocabulary (lexicon) of a person, the better he speaks the language, knows more (is an interesting interlocutor), more easily expresses his thoughts and feelings, and also understands himself and others.

Monitor the correct use of words, their pronunciation and stress;

Do not use turns containing extra words (for example, “absolutely new” instead of “new”);

Avoid arrogance, categorical and arrogant. The habit of saying "thank you", politeness and courtesy, the use of appropriate language and the ability to dress appropriately are among the valuable traits that increase the chance of success.

Habits. Then the reaction to any action, any move of the opponent, the development of the situation will comply with the rules of good manners, business etiquette, the requirements of the culture of behavior in this situation. 3 Can etiquette norms contradict the moral position in business communication? In my opinion, a moral position is an assessment related to the norms of social behavior and their observance, which ...

Your education and kindness. A woman should not decide for herself about her status advantage, but she should not give up the privileges granted to her by her boss. Compliance with the norms of business etiquette requires certain efforts, self-control and self-restraint, and at the same time provides a combination of impersonal requirements, conditions and tasks of society with behavior and manifestations ...

Nothing is so precious and

is not as cheap as courtesy.

Cervantes

1. Introduction.

Our era is called the age of space, the age of the atom, the age of genetics. With full right it could be called the century of culture.

The point is not only that many cultural values that used to be the property of selected aristocratic circles have become available in our country to the broad masses of readers, spectators, and listeners. Thanks to the growth in the activity of the working people, the increase in the amount of free time, the introduction of scientific and technological achievements in all spheres of public life, the culture of human relations, the culture of communication between people, is becoming increasingly important. The more significant the technical and economic potential of a society, the richer and more complex its culture, the higher should be the cultural level of the people who live in it and who manage it. Professional, moral, aesthetic, intellectual culture is needed in everyday life and at work. Both the efficiency of labor and the judicious use of leisure depend on it.

Public life over the past half century has become more complicated, its rhythm has accelerated. Millions of people live side by side in rapidly growing cities in relatively small areas of land. Everyone meets hundreds or even thousands of other people every day. With them, he goes to work, works at an enterprise, stands in line at the box office of a movie or stadium, and rests in a friendly company. People come into contact with each other in a wide variety of moral and psychological situations. The question of how to act, how to behave and how to relate to the behavior of another in this or that case, becomes especially acute in view of the enormous diversity of characters, opinions, views, aesthetic tastes. To find the right solution that allows you to maintain your dignity, your convictions and not offend another person, you need to take into account many circumstances, show tact, restraint, perseverance, and a desire to understand the interlocutor.

However, even good intentions and subjective honesty do not always save us from mistakes and mistakes, which we later have to repent of. Everyone knows this from their own experience. For many centuries of the existence of human culture, a number of rules of behavior have been developed that promote mutual understanding and avoid unnecessary conflicts and tensions in relationships. These rules are sometimes called the rules of etiquette, or the rules of etiquette. They are mentioned in the book.

Does Street, however, write about what everyone knows? It is unlikely that there will be people who do not know that you need to greet and say goodbye, that the attitude towards an old or unfamiliar person should be different than the attitude towards a peer or close friend.

Rules of conduct have cultural and historical features. A modern urban resident of Europe believes that a man should give way to a woman, be the first to come on a date. In family life, modern morality requires equality. Other relations between men and women in the countries of the East. Here, men are in charge in the house, women let the men go ahead, make way for them, and are the first to come on a date. In lyrical songs, the girl envies her friends who are waiting for their lovers. No less curious are the differences in the assessment of accuracy and punctuality. The British and Americans, for example, are accustomed to value time and count it several days in advance. Ten minutes late for dinner is considered unacceptable. In Greece, on the contrary, it is even indecent to come to dinner at exactly the appointed time: the host may think that you have come only to eat. Thanks to the deepening of contacts between peoples, cultural differences are gradually being erased. But now they are still very large. Therefore, getting into an unfamiliar country, one should adhere to the rules of politeness that are accepted there. With a change in living conditions, with the growth of education and culture, some norms of morality and rules of politeness become obsolete and give way to new ones. What was considered indecent becomes generally accepted. Before Peter's innovations, nostrils were pulled out for smoking tobacco and sent into exile. Until recently, it was considered indecent for women to ride a bicycle. Until now, there are people who object to women walking in trousers. But times are changing, and even hardened conservatives are forced to give in to the demands of life.

Etiquette is a silent language, with which you can say a lot and understand a lot if you can see. Etiquette cannot be replaced by words. When talking with a foreigner, it is sometimes difficult to explain how you feel about him and what he says. But if you own etiquette, your silence, gestures, intonations will be more eloquent than words. According to the external manner of staying abroad, they judge not only a person, but also the country that he represents.

Until now, the idea expressed many years ago by the great educator of the Renaissance, the writer Cervantes, has not become outdated: “Nothing costs us so cheaply and is not valued so dearly as politeness.”

2. Where etiquette originated.

England and France are usually called the "classical countries of etiquette". However, they cannot be called the birthplace of etiquette. Roughness of morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, etc. in the 15th century dominate both countries. You can not talk about Germany and other European countries of that time at all, only Italy of that time is an exception. The ennoblement of the morals of Italian society begins already in the XIV century. Man passed from feudal mores to the spirit of modern times, and this transition began in Italy earlier than in other countries. If we compare Italy of the 15th century with other peoples of Europe, then a higher degree of education, wealth, and the ability to decorate one's life immediately catches the eye. And at the same time, England, having finished one war, is drawn into another, remaining until the middle of the 16th century a country of barbarians. In Germany, the cruel and implacable war of the Hussites raged, the nobility was ignorant, fist law prevailed, the resolution of all disputes by force. France was enslaved and devastated by the British, the French did not recognize any merit other than military, they not only did not respect science, but even abhorred it and considered all scientists the most insignificant of people. In short, while the rest of Europe was engulfed in civil strife, and the feudal order was still in full force, Italy was the land of a new culture. This country deserves to rightly be called home of etiquette.

The concept of etiquette, types of etiquette.

The established norms of morality are the result of a long-term process of establishing relationships between people. Without observing these norms, political, economic, and cultural relations are impossible, because one cannot exist without respecting each other, without imposing certain restrictions on oneself.

Etiquette is a word of French origin, meaning demeanor. It includes the rules of courtesy and politeness adopted in society.

There are several types of etiquette, the main ones are:

court etiquette-strictly regulated procedure and forms of circumvention established at the courts of monarchs;
diplomatic etiquette rules of conduct for diplomats and other officials in contact with each other at various diplomatic receptions, visits, negotiations;
military etiquette- a set of rules generally accepted in the army, norms and manners of behavior of military personnel in all spheres of their activity;
civil etiquette- a set of rules, traditions and conventions observed by citizens when communicating with each other.

As the conditions of human life change, the growth of formations and culture, some rules of behavior are replaced by others. What used to be considered indecent becomes generally accepted, and vice versa. But the requirements of etiquette are not absolute. : compliance with them depends on the place, time and circumstances. Behavior that is unacceptable in one place and under one circumstance may be appropriate in another place and under other circumstances.

Modern etiquette regulates the behavior of people at home, at work, in public places and on the street, at a party and at various official events - receptions, ceremonies, negotiations.

So, etiquette is a very large and important part of human culture, morality, morality, developed over many centuries of life by all nations in accordance with their ideas of goodness, justice, humanity - in the field of moral culture and beauty, order, improvement, everyday expediency - in the field of material culture.

4. Good manners.

A prerequisite for communication is delicacy. Delicacy should not be excessive, turn into flattery, lead to unjustified praise of what is seen or heard. It is not necessary to hide hard that you are seeing something for the first time, listening to it, tasting it, fearing that otherwise you will be considered ignorant.

5. Behavior.

To talk about the culture of human behavior means to talk about his manners. This word denotes some stable signs that have become habitual features of attitude towards others and even simply constantly repeating movements that find their expression in how to sit down, get up, walk, talk, etc.

The history of culture knows many documents that contained various rules of conduct. Among them are the “Letters to the Son” by the English Lord Chesterfield, written in the 18th century. Along with the naive and funny, they also have something instructive for people living in our time. “While... the question of how to behave in society may seem like a mere trifle, it is always important when your goal is to please someone in private life. And I knew quite a few people who, by their clumsiness, immediately inspired people with such disgust that all their virtues were then powerless before them. Good manners win people over, draw them to you, and make them want to love you.”

How often in those days in many countries, knowledge of the rules of etiquette and the ability to apply them in practice played a significant role in the fate of a secular person. It happened that the doors of influential houses were closed to him only because, being at a dinner party, he showed his awkwardness and inability to handle cutlery.

Speaking of manners, one should not forget both social and national characters.

Picturesque canvases and applied art, fiction and films are the richest material, which, reflecting various details of people's life, also shows their different manners just in this respect, social and national.

We remember Pushkin's Onegin, a representative of the noble class, who had "a happy talent, without compulsion, to touch everything lightly in a conversation, with a learned look of an expert to remain silent in an important dispute and arouse the smile of ladies with the fire of unexpected epigrams." He "easily danced the mazurka and bowed unconstrainedly." "And the world decided that he was smart and very nice."

We remember the magnificent Kustodievskaya merchant's wife who drinks tea from a saucer...

We read about the Japanese and their way of bowing many times a day to acquaintances and even strangers, depending on different situations.

We know about the manner of holding back your feelings in the English and splashing them out with the Italians.

And yet it is possible for people of all nations to speak of manners, which may be good or bad.

There are people who are almost opponents of the rules of good manners, good manners. They say: “The rules of good manners are just a form that says nothing about the content of a person. There are people who are morally corrupt, empty, disguising their petty tradesman insides with good manners. And therefore, in order not to make a mistake in a person, in order not to take the external, feigned for his true essence, it is better to discard all these rules altogether. Let each person behave as he wants, then it will be immediately clear who is good and who is bad.

Of course, the main thing is the inner essence of a person, but his manners of behavior are no less important.

When a person shouts rudely at his subordinates, constantly interrupts his interlocutor, then what is it? A bad person, selfish and selfish, who only considers his own opinion and his own comforts? Or is this a person who is not at all bad, but who does not know how to behave, an ill-mannered person? And if a young guy smokes right in the face of a girl, stands lounging in front of her, holding his hands in his pockets, leans on her shoulder, instead of a polite invitation to dance casually throws “let’s go,” then what is it? Bad manners or any lack of respect for a woman?

I think it's both. But many rules of good manners were not composed artificially, they were not invented. Throughout human history, they have arisen as necessary requirements of life itself. Their appearance was dictated by various considerations of benevolence, concern for others, respect for them. And many of the good manners that exist today have come down to us from time immemorial...

Some of them are based on sanitary and hygienic requirements. For example, the custom is to wipe your feet clean when entering a room or even take off your shoes, as is customary among the Japanese, cover your mouth with a melting pot when sneezing and coughing, do not sit at the table uncombed, with dirty hands, etc.

There are manners that are dictated by considerations of convenience and expediency. This explains the rule of how to go up and down the stairs. So, going up the stairs, a man usually walks one or two steps behind the woman, so that at the right moment, if she stumbles, he could support her.

Going down the stairs, for the same reason, the man goes one or two steps ahead of the woman.

A number of other manners are based on aesthetic considerations. So, it is not recommended to speak loudly and gesticulate excessively at the same time, to appear anywhere in an untidy form. And even by the way someone stands, sits, holds arms and legs, one can even judge respect or disdain for others.

And the most beautiful face, the most impeccable proportions of the body or the most beautiful clothes will not leave the proper impression if they do not match the demeanor.

An educated person monitors not only his appearance, but also develops his gait and posture.

One of the most serious and harsh critics of his time, Belinsky attached great importance to the cultivation of beautiful manners and condemned even those people who “can neither enter, nor stand, nor sit down in a decent society.”

And the great teacher Makarenko made a lot of efforts to educate in his communards even the ability to “walk, stand, speak”. At first glance, the expression “to be able to walk, stand, speak” may seem simply strange in relation to an adult. But is it really so bold for each of us to decide to cross the ass in the middle in front of others, and by the way, not only because he is too embarrassed and shy, but also because of the lack of the necessary culture of the body, which does not obey him, he does not know how he does not know where to put his hands when walking, how to hold his head, rearrange his legs in order to feel at ease and free. And in order to develop such a gait, you need to remember some tips. First of all, your step should be commensurate with height: A tall person, a man or a woman mincing their legs, looks ridiculous and ridiculous, just like a short person taking excessively wide steps. An unpleasant impression is made by a person who sways while walking or wobbling his hips. It's not nice to walk around slouching with your hands in your pockets. And, on the contrary, it is pleasant to look at a person with a straight and free gait, the main quality of which would be naturalness. But if we are talking about a straight gait, then, of course, it has nothing to do with the one about which they say that if its owner “swallowed a arshin”.

6. Components of etiquette.

a) Politeness.

Isn't it sometimes painful to be treated carelessly, a dismissive tone and a rude word, an unceremonious and impolite gesture? Arguing early in the morning in a crowded bus and trolleybus on the way to study, work can ruin a person's mood for the whole day, reduce his performance. A skirmish with an usher and a cashier, a salesman or a cloakroom attendant will poison all the pleasure and impression from the performance and film, from the purchased thing, from the rest ...

Meanwhile, there are truly magical words - "thank you", "please", "excuse me", which open people's hearts and make the mood more joyful.

It is possible and necessary to be polite always and everywhere: at work and at home in the family, with comrades and with subordinates. There are still people who believe that politeness is something opposite to directness and sincerity, especially when it comes to the need to show courtesy to a person who for some reason they don’t like. They even tend to regard politeness as sycophancy and servility. One can agree with them, if only they have in mind people like Gogol's Chichikov, who, while still a schoolboy, in order to ingratiate himself with his teacher, tried several times to catch his eye and each time bowed to him with special courtesy.

In the same connection, I would like to mention the “automatism of politeness”, which, according to some, can give rise to “automatism of hypocrisy”. But can you really see something bad in the fact that a man, for example, “automatically” gives way to a woman, a place in transport? .. Probably, many will agree that this is just good if a person develops a kind of conditioned reflex, habit of courtesy and respect for others.

Say hello to a person oblige elementary rules of conduct. But this does not at all mean the most sincere disposition towards him. Otherwise, such a seemingly insignificant fact as ignoring a greeting can cause an undesirable, psychologically unhealthy environment in the team, and the person himself may experience a state of anxiety and hurt pride. In addition, one should not forget about the significance of positive and negative emotions that arise as a result of various relationships between people.

b) Tact and sensitivity.

There is one more character trait of a person that is so close to politeness that sometimes it is simply difficult to distinguish between them, but still it has its own distinctive properties. This is tact.

If the rules of politeness can be mechanically memorized, memorized, and they become a good habit of a person, as they say, his second nature, then with tact, tact, everything is much more complicated. A sense of tact involves a person's understanding of everything that can cause trouble, pain, annoyance to another. This is the ability to understand the needs and feelings of another, the ability to behave without hurting the dignity and pride of others.

In what real life situations does it find its application?

So, in a conversation, you should not speak louder than your interlocutor, get annoyed during a dispute, raise your voice, lose a friendly, respectful tone, use such expressions as “nonsense”, “nonsense”, “nonsense in vegetable oil”, etc. Always tactlessly interrupt the speaker without first apologizing.

An educated person knows how to listen to his interlocutor. And if he is bored, he will never show it, patiently listen to the end, or, in any case, find a polite way to change the topic of conversation. It is tactless to make comments in the course of a conversation, to interfere in someone else's conversation without an invitation, to conduct it in a language that the rest of those present do not understand. For the same reason, they do not speak in a whisper in front of others. But if you still need to say something in secret to your interlocutor, you should leave this conversation until a more convenient time or comfortable environment.

Don't give unsolicited advice to people you don't know well enough or older people.

It happens that the presence of a person is not very desirable at the moment. A tactful person will always feel this and will never interfere: importunity is alien to him. Yes, and in a conversation with anyone, he will pay attention to the reaction of the interlocutor and, depending on it, continue or stop the conversation.

Before saying or doing something, a tactful person will always think about how his words and deeds will be perceived, whether they will cause undeserved resentment, offend, or put another in an uncomfortable or awkward position. Namely, first of all, the essence of the following proverbs is close and understandable to such a person: “Do not do to another what you do not wish for yourself”, “Correct your behavior according to the behavior of others”, “Look at yourself 5 times a day”.

A tactful person also takes into account such moments: what in relation to some people looks like a manifestation of friendly feelings and disposition, to others - as a manifestation of bad manners, unjustified rudeness and tactlessness. So this point should also be taken into account. For example, what you say to your good friend or friend is far from always possible to say to unfamiliar or older people. And if, during a lively conversation, one of the interlocutors jokingly pats his friend on the shoulder, this will not at all be considered such a serious violation of the rules of cultural behavior. But such behavior towards people unfamiliar or unfamiliar, different in position, age and gender, is not only tactless, but also unacceptable.

A tactful person will not stare and frankly look at another. It would seem that there could be something bad when people look at each other. But looking is not the same as staring unceremoniously. Idle curiosity should not take place, especially in relation to persons who have some kind of physical disability. It should be remembered that excessive attention to their appearance can never be pleasant for them, but on the contrary, it is always painfully perceived by them.

Tact is also evident in such situations. It happens that the owner, having apologized, leaves us alone in the room, maybe he went to the kitchen for some reason, maybe he went into the next room to call or his neighbors urgently called him ... A tactful person will not walk around the room, will not look at and look at things, especially take them in hand, sort through books, records ... Such a person will not look at his watch all the time when someone comes to him. If he is in a hurry and he does not have time for a meeting, he will apologize and say so and take care to move it to another, more convenient time.

Under all circumstances, it is not good to emphasize some of your advantages, something that others do not have.

Being in the apartments of other people, they do not make comments aloud, especially in the homes of unfamiliar people. So, one self-confident young man said to the owners with whom he exchanged apartments, critically examining their situation: “Do you want to transport such furniture? I would make a good bonfire out of it ... ”And although, perhaps, the furnishings in the room were really unsightly and dilapidated, did he have the right to speak about it aloud? Obviously not. You never know how each of us can think of another? But this is not a reason to make your thoughts and conjectures the property of others.

Sometimes you have to feel embarrassed for those who make such remarks that can hurt a person's feelings. “How terrible it is to be, probably, alone,” someone says, being with his companion at a party, and, for sure, there will be those whose hearts will tremble with resentment and become uncomfortable and awkward from these words. But even worse, if the remark is attributed to a very specific person. On the same basis, it is impossible to draw attention to a person who, for some reason, does not eat this or that dish, to find out his health.

Tactful people will never put others in an awkward position with a deliberately provocative question or a hint of something that the interlocutor is unpleasant to hear, remember, or talk about. In addition, they will not notice someone else's unintentional and accidental reservation, as well as awkwardness. After all, this happens.

Anything can happen: a seam bursts, a button comes off, a loop on a stocking goes down, etc., but it is not at all necessary to make comments on this matter. If, nevertheless, we decide to speak about it, then this must be done imperceptibly to others.

There are people who, not at all embarrassed, can make a remark in the presence of others to a person who does not have good manners. But they show themselves by no means from an exemplary side in relation to the same good manners.

A tactful person will not ask questions that are related to the intimate side of another's life and will not interfere in his personal life unnecessarily.

He will not boast of his official position or material well-being in front of those who are less well off and occupy a lower official position, emphasize his mental or physical superiority.

Some people interpret tact as forgiveness, boundless indulgence, the ability to calmly and indifferently pass by violations of the norms of socialist community life, as a blissful ability not to notice anything bad around you, to look at it through your fingers or rose-colored glasses. Of course, a well-mannered person will forgive another for his involuntary oversight, will not go so far as to respond to rudeness with rudeness. But if he sees that someone deliberately and quite consciously violates the norms of socialist community life, interfering with those around him, insulting and humiliating them, then no condescension should be allowed towards such a person. Tact in relation to such violations of public order has nothing to do with good form in our understanding. In fact, it covers cowardice and philistine worldly wisdom - "My hut is on the edge - I don't know anything."

There are also false opinions associated with tact and criticism, tact and truthfulness. How do they interconnect?

It is known that the purpose of criticism is to eliminate shortcomings. That is why it must be principled and objective, that is, it must take into account all the reasons and circumstances that caused certain actions. But it is also important in what form the remark is made, what words are chosen at the same time, in what tone and with what facial expression claims are made. And if it is clothed in a rude form, a person can remain deaf to the very essence of the remark, but he will very well perceive its form and can respond to rudeness with rudeness. It should be understood that in one case he will accept the remark correctly, and in the other, when, for example, he is upset about something or has already understood his mistake and is ready to correct it, the same remark may cause him an undesirable reaction.

Just punishment requires mandatory respect for human dignity. That is why remarks are not made in a rude form, especially with mockery or mockery. And after punishment, only tactless people remind a person of his guilt.

It is tact about some things that forces us to speak allegorically and most often in the presence of children and adolescents. Sometimes it forces one to give up the truth, a frank confession. And is it right for someone who, after many years of separation, seeing his school friend or colleague, neighbor or just an acquaintance, exclaims or says with regret and pity: “My dear, how you have changed (or changed)! What is left of you?..” And such a person forgets that he looked, in essence, as in a mirror, at his own reflection. We notice so well how other people change, and we do not notice how we change. But time is relentless. And in the life of every person there will come a moment when old age will knock on his door. And old age does not skimp on illness, gray hair, wrinkles ...

A tactful person will not be frankly surprised at what has been destroyed by time in a person, but on the contrary, will somehow cheer up his friend, make this unexpected and, perhaps, completely fleeting meeting pleasant.

They don’t even tell the patient how he lost weight, became ugly, etc. After all, one or two kind words - and a person’s mood rises, vigor and hope come again. And this is not so little in life.

Some people think that you should be tactful and attentive only with strangers, but you can not stand on ceremony with your relatives, friends and acquaintances. However, they have no less right to such treatment. And here the main commandment of good manners also remains in force - to think, first of all, about the conveniences of others, and then about your own.

c) modesty.

"A person who talks only about himself, only thinks about himself," says D. Carnegie. "And a person who thinks only about himself is hopelessly uncultured. He is uncultured, no matter how highly educated he is."

A modest person never strives to show himself better, more capable, smarter than others, does not emphasize his superiority, his qualities, does not require any privileges, special amenities, services for himself.

However, modesty should not be associated with either timidity or shyness. These are completely different categories. Very often, modest people are much firmer and more active in critical circumstances, but at the same time, it is known that it is impossible to convince them that they are right by arguing.

D. Carnegie writes: “You can make it clear to a person that he is wrong with a look, intonation or gesture no less eloquently than with words, but if you tell him that he is wrong, will you force him to thereby agree with you ? Never! For you dealt a direct blow to his intellect, his common sense, his pride and self-respect. This will only make him want to strike back, but by no means change his mind "The following fact is cited: during his stay in the White House, T. Roosevelt once admitted that if he were right in seventy-five cases of a hundred, he could not "If this was the maximum that one of the most prominent people of the twentieth century could hope for, what can be said about you and me?" - asks D. Carnegie and concludes: "If you can be sure of your right those even in fifty-five cases out of a hundred, then why should you tell others that they are wrong.

Indeed, you have probably witnessed how a third person, watching the raging debaters, can end the misunderstanding with a friendly, tactful remark, a sympathetic desire to understand the point of view of both debaters.

You should never start with the statement "I will prove to you so-and-so." This is tantamount, psychologists say, to saying: "I'm smarter than you, I'm going to tell you something and make you change your mind." It's a challenge. This generates internal resistance in your interlocutor and a desire to fight with you before you start an argument.

In order to prove something, it is necessary to do it so subtly, so skillfully, that no one would feel it.

Carnegie considers the following as one of the golden rules: "People must be taught as if you had not taught them. And unfamiliar things should be presented as forgotten." Calmness, diplomacy, a deep understanding of the interlocutor's argumentation, well-thought-out counter-argumentation based on accurate facts - this is the solution to this contradiction between the requirements of "good manners" in discussions and firmness in defending one's opinion.

In our time, almost everywhere there is a desire to simplify many of the conventions prescribed by general civil etiquette. This is one of the signs of the times: the pace of life, social conditions that have changed and continue to change rapidly, have a strong influence on etiquette. Therefore, a lot of what was accepted at the beginning or middle of our century may now seem absurd. Nevertheless, the main, best traditions of general civil etiquette, even having changed in form, remain to live in their spirit. Ease, naturalness, sense of proportion, politeness, tact, and, most importantly, benevolence towards people - these are the qualities that will help you in any life situation without fail, even when you are not familiar with any small rules of civil etiquette that exist on The earth is in abundance.

d) Delicacy and correctness.

Delicacy is very close to tact.

If tact must be observed in all cases, then delicacy implies a situation that has in mind people who are familiar and, moreover, worthy of respect. It is inappropriate in relation to a person who has committed an unworthy act, and is not always possible in relation to strangers or unfamiliar people. This is the ability to timely and imperceptibly come to the aid of a person who needs support and understanding, the ability to protect him from prying eyes, interference in the agitated state of his soul. And if we notice that a familiar person is somewhat depressed, upset, it is far from always necessary to turn to him with questions, especially with jokes. Still, it's better to wait, maybe he will turn to us and ask for advice, share his experiences. In other cases, it is worth diverting the attention of others from him so that they do not notice his tears and upset look. And if we feel that our presence weighs on him, that he is not up to us, it is best to leave him alone.

And there is one more concept close to tact - correctness. This is the ability to control oneself, to keep oneself within the framework of generally accepted decency in any situation. Of course, one should also take into account the fact that a person's behavior largely depends on the state of his nervous system, character, and temperament.

Any person can find himself in some kind of conflict situation at home and at work, in public life. And often I call correctness will help him adequately get out of any situation. Life situations show how a person who fails to pull himself together in time, to restrain himself from anger, which often leads to reckless actions, belated repentance and shame, loses in many ways. And what an unpleasant aftertaste remains on the soul after that. “What is started in anger ends in shame,” said Leo Tolstoy. Based on life examples, scientists and educators, writers and public figures have long come to the conclusion that anger is a sign of weakness, not strength, and its manifestation most often only brings harm to the person himself. It is not for nothing that folk proverbs say: “He flared up - he ruined the business”, “In anger - that a youth, that an elder, as soon as anger flared up, so the mind disappeared.”

Correctness is necessary for a person. Whoever he is and wherever he works, self-control, endurance and courtesy will create for him a strong authority and respect from others. At work, she helps to eliminate what interferes with the interests of the grandfather, in personal relationships it promotes mutual understanding of people, helps to maintain dignity. By the way, dignity is one of the personal qualities of a person, which also takes its place in the culture of human behavior.

There are no two identical people among people, but this does not mean at all that the one who is less beautiful, less capable, less educated should feel disadvantaged and suffer from an inferiority complex. But each person has some personal virtues that can positively distinguish him from others. And even if he does not know how to compose poetry or sing, he knows how to swim well, knit and sew, cook delicious dishes, be dexterous and resourceful, not to mention the fact that, along with this, he can be a good public figure or specialist, excellent knowledgeable about their profession.

Each person can positively affirm himself as a person, and then he will feel good in any society.

The one who has self-respect does not play manners, he is simple and natural. Even at school, we get acquainted with Pushkin's Tatyana, who can serve as an example in this regard:

“She was not hasty, Not cold, not talkative, Without an impudent look for everyone, Without pretensions to success, Without these little antics, Without imitative undertakings ... Everything was quiet, it was just in her.”

True, with regard to calmness and restraint, one cannot but reckon with the peculiarity of the character and temperament of a person. But it is the self-esteem that makes him believe in himself, not to consider himself useless, superfluous, and will not allow a person to be dishonest, humiliated or endure insults.

A self-respecting person will not allow others to behave improperly, indecently in his presence and others: raise his voice, speak obscenely, show rudeness. He will not pretend that he does not hear or see anything. He will intervene where someone should be besieged, corrected. Such a person, moreover, will not give frivolous promises that he cannot fulfill. That is why he is still a neat and obligatory person.

Accuracy, accuracy, commitment - these are also positive qualities of a person's personality, which affect the culture of his behavior.

The obligatory person does not throw words to the wind, he promises only what he can deliver. But what has already been promised will always be fulfilled and, moreover, at the exact appointed time. There is a Chinese proverb: “It is better to refuse a hundred times than not to fulfill the promise once.” Indeed, if you promised, you need to keep your word, no matter how hard it costs. This is what the Russian proverb says: “If you didn’t give a word, be strong, but if you gave a word, hold on.”

If a person always fulfills what he promises, if he comes at the appointed time, then you can always rely on him. He will never let you down in business and other matters. And his composure, smartness and accuracy can serve as an example for others. Usually such a person enjoys authority among acquaintances and workmates.

A person's upbringing is also connected with modesty, which is manifested in his behavior, demeanor, and clothing. The words of one scientist who said about himself are known: “When I graduated from school, it seemed to me that I knew everything and was smarter than many; after graduating from the institute, I realized that I still didn’t know a lot and that many were smarter than me; when I became a professor, I became convinced that I still knew almost nothing and was not smarter than others.

Most often, immodest are young people who have not yet learned to respect others because they did not have the opportunity to be convinced of the immaturity of their views, incompleteness and gaps in knowledge, lack of experience.

At one time, the writer Mark Twain replied to a young man who complained in a letter that his parents were already very “intelligent”: “Be patient. When I was fourteen years old, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him, but when I was twenty-one years old, I was amazed at how much this old man had grown wiser over the past seven years ... ”

Probably, the time will come, and some of them, looking back at themselves in the past, will understand how wrong they were, how, perhaps, funny and arrogant they seemed to others. It is not pleasant to look at those who are arrogant and exalt themselves. But being humble is not always easy. Sometimes you really want to be noticed, praised, appreciated, and others seem to not do this. Yet modesty rarely goes unappreciated.

It has long been noticed that the more cultured a person is, the more modest he is. And no matter how great his merits, he will never show them boastfully, unnecessarily show all his knowledge. On the contrary, this uncultured person is often arrogant and swaggering. He is condescending to everyone around him, considering himself superior and smarter than them. Pushkin’s words “we regard everyone as zeros, and ourselves as ones” are fully among these.

Here is how the poet S. Smirnov ridiculed snobby people in the fable “Naive Planet”:

- I'm above everyone! - thought the Planet And even somewhere Emphasized it, And the Universe, which has no limit, looked at it with a smile.

Over the centuries, many observant people have noted a pattern: the more meaningful the personality, the more modest and simpler the person is.

Secular etiquette strongly condemns and intolerant of such behavior, which suggests that a person thinks only of himself, completely ignoring how others react to his words and actions.

It happens that a person striving to preserve his own dignity overestimates himself, clearly exaggerates, or simply immodestly emphasizes his merits or advantages. And then, instead of a seemingly respectful attitude, the surrounding people may have completely opposite feelings.

Any self-assessment should involve, first of all, knowledge of one's weaknesses and shortcomings, which will not allow one to overestimate one's merits or advantages. That is why modesty is natural for those who know how to correctly understand and evaluate all the qualities of their own personality, self-critically judge themselves, and not loudly and publicly declare their merits and advantages.

We talk about modesty, but it can not be equated with shyness. This is a completely different quality that interferes with a person, first of all, in his communication with others, often gives him painful experiences, often associated with an underestimation of his personality. Such a person is more inclined than another to overestimate his shortcomings.

Such qualities as politeness, tact, delicacy, correctness, commitment, modesty, a person must educate himself and others in every possible way in order to make communication with others healthy and beautiful, save nerves, time and peace of mind.

Compliance with the rules of Soviet etiquette helps create that good moral atmosphere in which people live well, breathe easily and work.

7. International etiquette.

The main features of etiquette are universal, that is, they are the rules of courtesy not only in international communication, but also at home. But sometimes it happens that even a well-educated person gets into a difficult situation. Most often this happens when knowledge of the rules of international etiquette is necessary. Communication between representatives of different countries, different political views, religious beliefs and rituals, national traditions and psychology, ways of life and culture requires not only knowledge of foreign languages, but also the ability to behave naturally, tactfully and with dignity, which is extremely necessary and important when meeting people from other countries. Such skill does not come by itself. This should be learned throughout life.

The courtesy rules of every nation are a very complex combination of national traditions, customs and international etiquette. And wherever you are, in whatever country you are, the hosts have the right to expect attention from the guest, interest in their country, respect for their customs.

Previously, the word "light" meant an intelligent, privileged and well-mannered society. "Light" consisted of people distinguished by their intelligence, learning, some kind of talent, or at least their politeness. At present, the concept of "light" is departing, but secular rules of behavior remain. Secular etiquette is nothing but knowledge of propriety the ability to behave in society in such a way as to earn universal approval and not offend anyone by any of their actions.

a) The rules of the conversation.

Here are a few principles that should be followed in a conversation, because the manner of speaking is the second most important thing after the manner of dressing, to which a person pays attention and which forms the first impression of a person about his interlocutor.

The tone of the conversation should be smooth and natural, but not pedantic and playful, that is, you need to be scholarly, but not pedantic, cheerful, but not making noise, polite but not exaggerating politeness. In the "light" they talk about everything, but they do not delve into anything. Any serious controversy should be avoided in conversations, especially in conversations about politics and religion.

To be able to listen is as necessary a condition for a polite and well-mannered person as to be able to speak, and if you want to be listened to, you yourself must listen to others, or at least pretend that you are listening.

In society, one should not start talking about oneself until specifically asked, since only very close friends (and even then hardly) can be interested in the personal affairs of anyone.

b) How to behave at the table.

There is no need to rush to lay out your napkin, it is better to wait for others to do it. It is indecent to wipe your appliances at a party, with friends, as by doing this you show your distrust of the owners, but this is permissible in restaurants.

Bread should always be broken into pieces over your plate, so as not to crumble on the tablecloth, cut your piece of bread with a knife or bite off a whole slice.

Soup should not be eaten from the end of the spoon, but from the side edge.

For oysters, lobsters, and indeed for all soft foods (such as meat, fish, etc.), only knives should be used.

No one should ask to be served first with a dish, showing in any way his impatience. If you feel thirsty at the table, then you should stretch your glass to the one who pours, holding it between the thumb and middle fingers of your right hand. Avoid leaving wine or water in your glass that could spill.

When getting up from the table, you should not fold your napkin at all and it is naturally very indecent to leave immediately after dinner, you always have to wait at least half an hour.

c) table service.

When setting the table, it should be borne in mind that it is not customary to put more than three forks or three knives (each type of dish must have its own device), since all devices will still not be used at the same time. The remaining knives, forks and other additional serving items are served, if necessary, with the corresponding dishes. The forks should be placed to the left of the plate in the order in which the dishes are served. To the right of the plate is a snack knife, a tablespoon, a fish knife and a large dinner knife.

Glasses are placed in the following sequence from right to left: a glass (glass) for water, a glass for champagne, a glass for white wine, a slightly smaller glass for red wine and an even smaller one for dessert wine. On the highest wine glass, they usually put a card with the name and surname of the guest for whom the place is intended.

d) Clothing and appearance

Although they say that they see off according to the mind, they accept according to clothes, and clothes are one of the main conditions for how good a person’s opinion of you is. Rockefeller started his business by buying himself an expensive suit with his last money and becoming a member of a golf club.

I think it's not worth saying that clothes should be neat, cleaned and ironed. But here are some tips on how and when to dress.

For receptions until 20:00, men can wear any suits in non-bright colors. For receptions starting after 20:00, black suits must be worn.

In a formal setting, the jacket should be buttoned up. In a buttoned jacket, they enter to friends, to a restaurant, to the auditorium of the theater, sit on the presidium or make a report, but you should know that the bottom button of the jacket is never fastened . You can unbutton your jacket buttons at lunch, dinner or while sitting in an armchair.

In the case when you need to wear a tuxedo, this is specifically indicated in the invitation (cravate noire, black tie)

The color of men's socks should in any case be darker than the suit, which creates a transition from the color of the suit to the color of the shoes. Patent leather shoes should only be worn with a tuxedo.

A woman enjoys much more freedom in choosing the style of clothing and fabric than a man. The main rule that should be observed when choosing clothes is the appropriateness of time and environment. Therefore, it is not customary to receive guests or visit guests in luxurious dresses during the daytime. For such cases, an elegant dress or dress-suit is suitable.

9. Etiquette observed in letters.

Etiquette in letters is essentially all the same formalities that have turned into customs. Letters congratulating the new year are sent in advance, so that they would be received on the eve of the new year or on the day of the new year. This period must be respected in relations with relatives, but regarding friends or close acquaintances, the period of congratulations can be extended to the first week after the new year, everyone else can be congratulated throughout January.

Letters are written only on one side of the sheet, the reverse side should always remain clean.

Etiquette does not require beautiful handwriting, but writing illegibly is just as ugly as muttering under your breath while talking to others.

It is considered very ugly and not polite to put one letter with a dot instead of a signature. Whatever kind of letter it is: business or friendly - you must never forget to put the address and number.

You should never write verbosely to persons who are above or below you in position, in the first case, your verbosity can show your disrespect, and, most likely, they simply will not read a long letter, and in the second case, a long letter can be considered familiarity.

In the art of composing letters, the ability to distinguish the one to whom we write and choose the right tone of the letter plays a very important role.

The letter depicts the moral character of the writer, it is, so to speak, the measure of his education and knowledge. Therefore, when writing, you should be subtly witty, remembering every minute that people conclude from it about your strengths and weaknesses. The slightest tactlessness in words and carelessness in expressions expose the writer in an unpleasant light for him.

10. Conclusion.

Intelligence is not only in knowledge, but also in the ability to understand the other. It manifests itself in a thousand and a thousand little things: in the ability to argue respectfully, to behave modestly at the table, in the ability to quietly help another, to protect nature, not to litter around oneself - not to litter with cigarette butts or swearing, bad ideas.

Intelligence is a tolerant attitude towards the world and towards people.

At the heart of all good manners is the concern that the person does not interfere with the person, so that everyone feels good together. We must be able not to interfere with each other. It is necessary to educate in oneself not so much manners as what is expressed in manners, a careful attitude to the world, to society, to nature, to one's past.

No need to memorize hundreds of rules, but remember one thing - the need for a respectful attitude towards others.

Practical work

By discipline: Service culture

Completed:

3rd year student of OP-3.1 Zheleznyak K.S.

Checked by: Tsygankova E.V.

Khabarovsk

Topic 1. What does it mean to be tactful in business communication

Business conversation is, first of all, communication, i.e. exchange of information that is significant for the participants in the communication. To succeed in negotiations, you must master their subject to perfection. And although specialists of various professions usually participate in negotiations, high competence is required from each.

Business conversation- communication, in which the characteristics of the personality, character, age, mood of the interlocutor are taken into account, but the interests of the case are more significant than possible personal differences.

Business Communication Code is the following sequence:

1. the principle of cooperativeness: "your contribution should be the one required by the jointly adopted direction of the conversation";

2. the principle of information sufficiency - "say no more and no less than what is required at the moment";

3. the principle of information quality - "do not lie";

4. the principle of expediency - "do not deviate from the chosen topic, be able to find a solution";

5. "express the idea clearly and convincingly for the interlocutor";

6. "know how to listen and understand the right thought";

7. "be able to take into account the individual characteristics of the interlocutor for the sake of the interests of the case."

If one interlocutor is guided by the principle of "politeness" and the other by the principle of "cooperativeness", they can get into ridiculous, ineffective communication. Therefore, the rules of communication must be respected and agreed upon by all participants in the communication.

Communication tactics- implementation in a specific situation of a communicative strategy based on the possession of techniques and knowledge of the rules of communication. Communication technique is a set of specific communication skills: speaking and listening.

According to the theory of the American psychologist A.Kh. Maslow, people can achieve high results in business communication if they treat themselves and others as unique individuals. For them, activity is primary and the role that they play in it is secondary. Their personal qualities are honesty and sincerity. They are susceptible to various events, manifestations of other people's lives. They are the masters of their lives, they believe in themselves, they are not afraid of difficulties, they are ready to follow the saying of the ancients: “Blessed are the difficulties, for we grow by them.”

And, conversely, for a person whose goal is to control the situation, the case takes a secondary place. He does not value himself and the people around him, in whom he sees only objects of manipulation. For manipulators, the main means are: lies, falsehood, slander, fraud, blackmail, adventurism. They act out roles, performances that are supposed to impress.

Output: To be tactful in business communication means to be literate in communication, calm, polite. Be able to convey your thoughts carefully, trying not to offend anyone around. It is very important to understand when the other person starts talking.

Topic 2. Why Italy is called the birthplace of etiquette

Italians are considered to be cheerful and cheerful. They are naturally very inquisitive and show great interest in other people's customs. They love to read and listen to stories about the life of other peoples and often go on vacation abroad in order to once again verify what they already know: their own country is the best in the world, because it has everything you need for life: sun, wine , food and football.

Italians love their native places very much and hardly break away from them. Most regions have their own local dialect, which differs significantly from Italian both structurally and lexically. The inhabitants of Italy, first of all, consider themselves and each other Romans, Milanese, Sicilians or Florentines, and only then Italians. "Where do you come from?" - for the Italian is not an idle question, it requires a detailed answer. The Italian knows exactly where he comes from.

Italians are very well-mannered people and have good manners. The words "thank you", "please" can be heard in Italy at every step. They attach great importance to greetings, which are always accompanied by handshakes and kisses. In this way, they express stormy joy at meeting acquaintances, even if they parted with them quite recently.

The Italian will certainly kiss you on both cheeks, and this is also accepted among men. And the handshake carries a certain symbol: it shows that the hands reaching out to each other are unarmed.

When meeting with acquaintances in Italy, it is customary to first ask about the health of children, and then about their well-being. Italians are very friendly, they often call each other "dear, dear" and "dear, dear" even with a hat acquaintance.

The word "chao" in Italy is a universal form of both greeting and farewell. Strangers are called "signor" and "signora". A woman is said to be "signora" even though she is in fact a "signorina" (unmarried).

When communicating, they often use professional titles. “Doctor” is not necessarily a doctor, but any person with a higher education, “professors” are called all teachers, and not just university teachers, “maestro” is called not only conductors and composers, but also people of other specialties, even swimming coaches , "engineer" is a very honorific title reflecting the high status of people with an engineering background.

Italians do not often say "I'm sorry": if they do not feel guilty, then there is nothing to apologize for.

In Italy, punctuality is not considered a mandatory quality, and time is always given as an approximation. Not that being late in Italy is welcomed, but in any case, they are tolerated. It is permissible to be late for 15 minutes, and it is already unacceptable to be late for half an hour.

Italians pay a lot of attention to their appearance. Italians always notice how others are dressed, especially foreigners (in their opinion, they are all poorly dressed).

Italians are generous people, but their generosity must be treated with caution, since no gift is made in Italy without intent. The life and power of Italians is based on a system of gifts and favors. If you accepted a gift from an Italian, this means that you will have to repay the donor with some kind of service. Therefore, if one Italian threw another to the station or arranged for a good ophthalmologist, sooner or later he will demand a reward.

Output: The "classic countries of etiquette" are usually called England and France. However, this opinion is valid only for an era closer to our time. If, however, we are transported to an era more distant from our days, three hundred years ago, i.e. by the 15th century, and according to various sources that have no doubt the authenticity of historical documents, if we carefully follow the political and social life of these two countries in that era remote from us, then we will be convinced that three centuries ago even the high society of England and France was still far from all that is called etiquette. Roughness of morals, ignorance, worship of brute force, wild arbitrariness, and similar negative qualities in the 15th century dominate both of these countries. There is nothing to say about Germany and other countries of the then Europe. Only Italy is an exception. This country deserves to rightly be called “the birthplace of etiquette”.

In Italy, along with education and the fine arts, earlier than in any other country in Europe, the rules of secular decency, elegant manners and etiquette began to develop and improve.