There are fears that are incompatible with life... No, not with existence in its physical shell, but with a life full of joy, a sense of satisfaction, happiness and a sense of fullness. And people who dare to even admit to themselves: yes, I'm afraid to work, understand this, better than anyone else.
Fear of work deprives a person of one of the main things in life - realization.
Anyone who cares about the question of how to overcome the fear of work, with all his heart wants to be a full member of society. He wants to be independent. He wants to enjoy material wealth, and to know that these benefits are obtained by him, and not by someone else, on whose neck he has to hang, catching reproachful looks on himself.
He makes attempts. He tries to write his resume and realizes with bitterness that by his 20+ years he has nothing to write in the “previous work experience” column.
Some people, saying "I'm afraid to start working," say that they go to interviews, meet with potential employers. And when, it would seem, all the stages have been passed, the cherished goal is almost achieved, they begin to wish with all their heart that they would not be invited to this job. So that the standard answer “we will call you back” hangs in the air, as it often happens. They can look for a job for months, go through options, spend hours, days, weeks of their lives ... Never having achieved the desired result.
There are those who say: I am afraid to look for a job. They don’t even go to interviews, because they experience, for example, fear of the boss. The mere thought of having to sit in a chair across from a potential employer or HR employee causes them a terrible state of fear, turning into horror. And even if they force themselves to come to the interview - a trembling voice, dry mouth, squeezing sensations in the chest area, self-incrimination and insecurity do not allow them to express themselves. It is worthy to present yourself as a good specialist, a promising employee. Although it's possible that's exactly what they are. They just need to cross that threshold...
The life of such people is overshadowed by misunderstanding on the part of loved ones. The fear of going to work is perceived by them as unwillingness to work, ordinary laziness or an empty whim. They do not understand that a person who admits: I am afraid to go to work, really suffers from this fear.
And those who understand, and even seem to be trying to help, do it so awkwardly and incorrectly that their actions are annoying, and sometimes just disappointing.
Often in the answers left on psychological support forums for people who are afraid of a new job, you can read a message that begins with the following words:
- A similar fear, a new team scares many ...
This is a favorite technique of many "advisors", even professional ones. They believe that the main thing is to make it clear to a person that he is not alone.
But no... not many are wondering: how to overcome / overcome the fear of a new job. Yes, many have worries, experiences associated with work. But very few people experience fear of work so strong that it prevents them from taking place in this life.
Other advisers, assuming that fear of work is the fear of not being able to cope with work, try to level its significance:
- Do you think others are doing 100%? Everyone has failures. Bosses yell at everyone. Everyone can make mistakes. There are no perfect employees. And everyone understands this, even the bosses.
Some explain this anxiety as a fear of not being able to do a job and believe that if you show that there are simply no ideals, it will be easier for a person to cope with his fear. But do such words of support and seemingly very logical explanations help?
No, they don’t help ... and the question of how to overcome the fear of the boss, before work, remains open.
I'm afraid to go to work: there is a solution
…I want to change jobs, but I'm afraid
... I'm afraid of losing my job
... I'm afraid to work
Who are all these people who suffer from such an incomprehensible form of fear? Where does this fear come from and how can you deal with it? All these questions are answered by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
All these “I want to change jobs, but I'm afraid”, “I'm afraid of the boss, the new team” ... are rooted in the unconscious. Most often, such a fear can be in people with an anal vector. And if the fears inherent in the visual vector are multiplied by such uncertainty, we risk getting a depressing picture ...
Why is a person with an anal vector afraid of work? Not because he does not want to work, on the contrary, people with the anal vector are the most stubborn, assiduous, they cannot be frightened by a large amount of work. But the psyche of an anal person is very interesting. Such people do not know how to lie, and even embellish the truth a little. These are not leather workers who can declare themselves mega-professionals, only superficially familiarizing themselves with some profession. Anals are self-critical, even if they know their job well, but even a tiny part of it is done with difficulty, they will consider themselves insufficiently qualified, and simply will not be able to call themselves a good specialist.
Of course, they perfectly understand what and how to say at the interview. But, even trying to do everything right, according to the read instructions, they do not just give themselves up, but slander themselves. Here, visual fears in conjunction with the truthfulness of the anal vector drive a person into a trap. Fear, sitting deep in the unconscious, interferes so much that a person, without realizing it, does everything so that he is not hired.
“Yes, I worked on the previous project for a whole year, but I didn’t learn anything.” And what? After all, it's true.
It is difficult for the anal to start, to take the first step, he is afraid to do something wrong, he is afraid to disgrace himself. Sometimes this fear reaches such an extent that he completely refuses to act, endlessly postponing “for later”. I will look for work from Monday, from the beginning of the month, from spring ... But the more time passes in inactivity, the more difficult it is for an anal person to start doing something. The more insecure he is.
Another reason for fear of work
In the presence of an insufficiently realized visual vector, endowed with the ability to vividly experience all emotions, any experiences take a form close to tragedy, and unconscious fears intensify.
Spectators are impressionable creative personalities, prone to deep emotional experiences, from whose lips we can hear phrases: I'm afraid to change / change jobs. This is the fear of not being liked, of not creating an emotional connection with colleagues.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan not only reveals the roots of fear, but also destroys them, as evidenced by more than 400 reviews of people who overcame their fears during the training. The fears associated with work also go away, bringing great relief to a person:
“After the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, at first after free trainings, and then backing up free skin and anal lectures with a full course, I had some kind of regrouping of attitudes and efforts within my being. I decided that in my place I can explain and teach people no worse than others ... And it so happened that my inner cockroach critics were caught by a sudden death.
I began to be controlled by my own inner witness, whose advice became benevolent instruction and development in the given direction. And most importantly, this pressing lump is gone, this nasty suffocating toad, which spiraled its breath and squeezed my chest with vile tenacious paws. I suddenly felt that I can quite easily communicate with foreigners, even if I don’t know something, and I’m not yet able to express and not feel the overwhelming guilt of my incompetence. I see and feel that I am making mistakes, factual, grammatical, phonetic, lexical and all sorts of others, but the realization of this does not create a deficit of “oxygen” in my lungs and energy in the brain. On the contrary, working with the language and the shortcomings in this work began to strengthen me. Pavel Shirmanov http://www.yburlan.ru/results/review2217
“I started to understand what I want. I realized that in my previous job I will not achieve this. She left without regret. Now I am working on my own projects, trying what is interesting, looking for. Here, again, to the question of fears: they have also become much less in work. Maria Petrova http://www.yburlan.ru/results/review2192
Do you want to stop being afraid of work, bosses, change of team and take place in this life as a socialized, useful person? Then sign up for free lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. For many, these trainings have become an impetus to unlock their potential, to conscious action. After all, when you know what the cause of the problem is and understand what needs to be done to change your situation, it is much easier to take action. See you at the free trainings! .
The article is based on the training materials on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! I'll start from afar. When I was young, I got a job as a bank teller, that was my father's wish, he wanted me to work at a "prestigious" job. I thought, why not, you can try, although something in me was against it. The working conditions turned out to be not just psychologically tough, they disliked me, they called me thieves in the eyes, they morally destroyed me for the slightest mistake, every day I drank a vial of valerian. I well remember the case when I incorrectly wrapped a bundle of money in a wrapper, and the whole room brought me to tears. When there was simply no strength left, I quit, but something broke inside, since then I have become afraid of making a mistake. When my voice is raised, scolded, criticized, etc., I want to scream, cry, run away, shrink and close, but I am an adult, this is not serious, and I need to control myself, and this gradually turned into a kind of "" self-eating "" that I'm a mowing fool, a loser. I was always brought up in such a way that you should always start with yourself, but in fact: no matter what happens in your life, you are to blame, although my relatives often rudely interfered in my life and crushed me. There is no one to complain to, they will answer me with 100% probability - you chose this job yourself, why are you complaining now. Recently, there have been troubles at work, the bosses are angry, yesterday I was fined 1000 rubles for being late for 10 minutes, although it was not my fault, the bus went around the traffic jam due to an accident. Any mistake was treated as if it were a Terrible Disaster. Against this background, from any experience, my head began to hurt, sometimes I feel sick, my hands are shaking, and my heart is disgusting. I understand intellectually, but I'm already scared to go to work and do something. Tired of constant stress and physical pain. Maybe a heart-to-heart talk with someone would solve the problem, but I don’t have such people in my environment.
The psychologist Gladkova Elena Nikolaevna answers the question.
Hello Anastasia!
I am very familiar with your condition! And it seems that it arises from the fear of not living up to the expectations of someone who matters to you, and the fear is so great that it “turns off” its own psychological defenses, such as leaving the place where you are uncomfortable, where you don’t like where you are accompanied by fear and moral stress that make your life unbearable.
How often in childhood, parents “fed” with advice from their experience, without thinking at all about the need to receive this very experience on their own. In our language, there are even many relevant sayings and proverbs, the meaning of which, in my opinion, is distorted beyond recognition, such as “learn from the mistakes of others”, or “eggs don’t teach a chicken” and even “a big giraffe, he knows better”. They are used by especially caring and patronizing parents in order to protect their beloved child from mistakes, failures in life and disappointments, but in reality they only lead to paralysis of the will and fear of being a loser in life!
So your story about your own insecurity and fear of showing yourself began with the “desire of the father”, who WANTED YOU to work in a “prestigious” job. A kind of "dictatorship" of choice, when there seems to be a choice, but in fact it is absent! And of course, to fail this experience of "growing up", not to justify the trust placed and to be an ungrateful daughter, refusing such help, is simply unacceptable for an obedient and loving daughter.
And this failure is only the result of one’s own worthlessness and inability, and it can only be justified by the fact that “I’m a mowing fool, a loser”!
I don't want to finish you with a description of your inability to cope with a situation where you have to do what seems to you, does not give you much pleasure and does not bring you satisfaction. I want to show you that this situation can have another explanation than your own stupidity or bad luck. This situation is only the result of many years of rejection of oneself, disbelief in one's own strength and fear of resisting the psychological violence that is being committed against you, perhaps without realizing it at all, by people close to you. And you, at a certain period of your life, had to adapt to this way of showing their love and deny yourself the opportunity to manifest with your desires and needs, because for you it was tantamount to losing their love.
It is hard to realize that most of your life has passed in the position of a Victim - a victim of circumstances that did not allow you to show your abilities, victims of a cruel team that, without pity, vented its aggression on you, the cause of which you were not, but the opportunity for this was a suitable victim tyrants of bosses who absolutely cannot take on a human form and enter into your life situation.
This is not only hard to realize, but even harder to get rid of it, because for this you will have to change some of your habitual attitudes and “get out of the comfort zone” in which you are. What comfort zone? After all, everything is bad for you and you are very unhappy with it! And such that this situation is already clear to you, and most importantly, you already have an excuse for your current position and condition, and this is the most terrible comfort zone. Understanding and explanation is what prevents you from abandoning habitual patterns of behavior. After all, the unknown is more terrible because it is unpredictable and there are no habitual reactions that will help to survive it. And the usual reactions are fatigue, headache, nausea, tremor. And these symptoms are very clear how to treat them - pills, tests, change of diet, diet, rest, etc.
Yes, I agree with you that all this will become less if you can discuss it all, say it out loud in a conversation with someone and hear and understand it in a new way. Psychotherapy is generally based on the verbal processing of problems. And this heart-to-heart conversation is necessary first of all for you yourself, therefore, as an interlocutor, I would recommend you a specialist in psychological profile - a psychologist, a psychotherapist, because then from this conversation you will not only get relief, but also a new understanding of yourself and your needs, reassessment their abilities and attitudes. Look around, you will definitely find such specialists around you. And if you can not stop at someone from your area, then now this opportunity is also available on the Internet. Skype, online consultations in other communication systems can now provide you with invaluable support, especially since your problem has a real solution and you can change your life at any time, there would be a desire and opportunities. By the way, usually opportunities always appear for this kind of work. because your desire is broadcast to space and it comes to the rescue.
Hello! I’m 23 years old and I’m afraid to get a job (. I graduated from college after school, worked as a salesman in a cosmetics store, and then because my friend went there, and it’s easier and not scary for me. And I’m afraid alone (But I quit and now with I don’t work in June, because my friends all work and there is no one to go to get a job with ((Now I urgently need a job, but the fact is that I’m afraid to get a job, I’m afraid of interviews, I’m afraid of new people, especially men (and I can’t explain why) "If I go for an interview with a man, I immediately hang up. And I rarely reach women. I schedule an interview and don't get through. Most importantly, I'm afraid of a new team that they won't accept me and that I will make mistakes and they will yell at me I can't and don't want to live like this anymore.
How to overcome your fear of work?
Thanks in advance for your reply!
good day, Elena!
I sympathize with you very much - it seems that this feature really interferes with your life, communication, work, and I understand very well that you already want to do something. It seems to me that this is not a fear of work as such, but a fear of contact with people. It seems that in your life there was little or no positive experience of contacting people who are significant to you - when you were accepted by someone who can make mistakes. Just a person who deserves warmth and respect, love and care. If not, I'd be happy to be wrong.
In my opinion, full-time work with a psychologist is needed here - because it is very important to gain experience of acceptance, care, respect in such a topic. Then you have a new positive experience that allows you to make a choice towards contact with people. Psychotherapy also helps to know yourself better, to develop an internal center of stability - and then if someone is angry with you, it does not knock the ground out from under your feet.
In the meantime, you can answer your own questions:
- How did your family treat your mistakes and achievements? Did your parents praise you? Supported?
How is your relationship with your mom and your relationship with your dad different?
- How does this fear appear - in what place in the body do you feel it?
- If you imagine that fear is your friend, what do you think it protects you from, saves you?
- Imagine what the worst thing can happen if you come for an interview? Make a mistake? Don't like someone?
In this place, the idea that now you are no longer small and defenseless can help - you have strength and resources, and nothing threatens your life. You can defend yourself or leave because you are already an adult.
But they did not mention the fear that almost all people experience when entering a new job. It is unlikely that he has any scientific name, but this fact does not prevent the beginner from worrying and being afraid to tremble in the knees, sorting through the possible scenarios in his mind and presenting chilling pictures: either the team does not accept him and builds all sorts of intrigues, then the boss turns out to be a tyrant, distributing stupid orders. Not surprisingly, the first day at a new job, as well as its anticipation, is a serious test for any of us. About how to overcome it with the least mental loss - in the reasoning of the author of "Cleo".
Maybe it's me who is especially impressionable, or maybe it happens to almost everyone, but the first day at a new job is always difficult for me, and even waiting for it is completely exhausting. It begins, as a rule, in a couple of days, bringing a lot of unanswered questions and activating a rather rich imagination. The latter does not spare me at all: I imagine how my colleagues arrogantly laugh at any of my awkward actions, do not want to help in anything, and at dinner they pretend that I do not exist at all. Do I need to say that the day before I go to work, I almost hate her? The fear of the unknown kills absolutely all the positive emotions that I experienced until recently, and all I feel is a lump in my throat. I am afraid to misunderstand the first task, I am afraid of becoming the subject of ridicule and jokes in an already established team, I am afraid, in the end, that this team will not accept me into their “family” and I will, weeping bitterly, dine alone in the toilet cubicle, as they show in American teen comedies. Of course, the latter is nothing more than irony, and schoolchildren rather than adults experience such fear, but we are not alien to feelings about forced communication with new colleagues. Even the most self-confident person worries when they find themselves in an unusual environment.
Even the most self-confident person worries when they find themselves in an unusual environment.
Since I have already changed jobs more than once, I went crazy with fear on the eve of the first working day more than once. And at some point I decided that it was impossible: it was stupid to be afraid in advance of what might not happen. Such “empty” emotions become only a source of stress and certainly do not help us to work productively and win over people. If you, too, are losing your appetite at the thought of heading to a new office tomorrow with new colleagues and a new boss, then try to pull yourself together with the tips below. For me they really work.
Separate the wheat from the chaff
When you are afraid of something, you feel uncomfortable. When you are afraid of something that is not clear, it is even more uncomfortable. Based on this, I decided that from now on I will always determine whether my fears have any basis. This helps a lot to get rid of far-fetched fears that are exhausting no less than real ones. To understand if there is a real threat, I write out all my fears on a piece of paper and critically evaluate what can actually happen from this, and what is the fruit of my rich imagination. When there are half as many “enemies”, it becomes much easier to fight.
When you are afraid of something, you feel uncomfortable. When you are afraid of something that is not clear, it is even more uncomfortable.
Win mentally
So, we understood what situations really should be feared. But we also know that there is no guarantee that events will develop exactly according to this negative scenario, perhaps everything will work out in the best way. What does "best" mean to you? Imagine how you come to work and see that it is a real dream. Colleagues are friendly, the boss is understanding and tactful, your workplace is comfortable and modern. What more could you want? Set yourself up in a positive mood today, mentally conquer all your fears so that tomorrow you can come to work in a good mood and not expect a dirty trick from everywhere.
Needle-tailored suit
Prepare your clothes for the first day of work in advance. Firstly, the people around will obviously not be delighted with a new colleague who will come to the office in a wrinkled skirt and a washed-out blouse. Secondly, you yourself will feel more confident knowing that you are dressed to the nines. Of great importance is the same and what kind of clothes you choose. Of course, if the company has a dress code, then everything is quite simple: comply with it, and there will be no problems. But if there are no clear rules, you should be careful: no miniskirts, children's T-shirts and jeans with a low waist. Think about it: you yourself would be wary of a new girl who showed up for work in what she most likely went to the club yesterday.
Smile but don't bother
Show that you are interested in this work and really want to understand what is here and why.
Now let's talk about the first working day. Your behavior is just as important as your appearance. You know that a smile is disarming, and excessive helpfulness is alarming, so be friendly with new colleagues, but do not go too far: you should not intentionally try to please someone and go out of your way, if only the new boss notices you today. Perhaps he will notice, thinking: “Who did I hire?”, But this one is not at all what you need. Therefore, do not take on everything at once (no one expects that on the first working day you will grab the stars from the sky), do not brag about your successes and knowledge, but rather absorb new information like a sponge. Show that you are interested in this work and really want to understand what is here and why.
Obsessive thoughts arise, and with them, unreasonable, sometimes panicky fears that prevent success in life ...
I'm afraid to get a job, where I already worked
Hello! I have over 4 years of experience in sales. I worked two years ago as a sales consultant in one company, then I quit, considering that I was not paid enough, in the hope of a decent income, I wanted to find another job! And I was unemployed for two years.
I searched, tried, and then somehow got exhausted, and then I regretted that I had left my previous workplace, I regretted it very much and wanted to go back, but it was too late and I did not dare.
Then my search continued and dragged on for a very long time.
And now two years have passed and I haven’t worked anywhere, I lived under the care of my parents. I know I have no forgiveness. And yet, recently, namely today, I decided to go back, but I'm afraid to call there. Today, nevertheless, I decided to call my former place of work, where I worked as a sales assistant, but there apparently was a break, they didn’t pick up the phone.
I decided to call there tomorrow and again ask to work there for them. Oh, how I'm afraid to appear there - help! What to do? I'm afraid that they will look at me askance, saying: “what is gone, right ?! And we told you! You won't find a better place anywhere than here!"
Well, that's basically what happened. Although I was sure that I would find a job almost immediately, I never found anything suitable. Everywhere, something very much did not suit me, but at the previous workplace, almost everything suited, well, except for the salary. And after looking at the interviews for these two years, I realized that they don’t pay anywhere else.
I also tried to make money on the Internet, but I was very disappointed in general in that earnings, everywhere there are swindles and dishonest people trying to make money “on the air”. But that is another topic.
In short, what should I do, go to that old company? Won't they laugh at me? And I don't know what to tell them, what have I been doing all this time? I didn't work. You have to think of something to work with. And if I say that I didn’t work, they will twist a finger at the temple, and I will be disgraced in general. They will think that I couldn’t find anything, “I stepped back with my heels, tucking my paws, and came to ask for forgiveness. In general, generally horror ....
What to do if you feel fear and are afraid to go to get a job
Hello Julia!If you are afraid to go to triple your old job only on the basis of your inner beliefs, prejudices, obsessions, that you will be condemned, criticized and shamed because you once left them, then you should look at these thoughts, which climb into your head, on the other hand, namely from the position of reality, the adequacy of your judgments and thoughts.
In fact, you are not obliged to report to anyone why you once left their job, and even more so, what you have been doing all this time is your personal business (they do not violate the law). And what they predicted is their problem, it does not concern you.
For the employer, the main thing is that you work efficiently and help him earn money, that is, he is interested in your business qualities, your competence ... and if your employer is a businessman, a business person, then it would be the last stupidity for him to take revenge on you for the fact that when you they left him.
You work under a contract, and to conclude or terminate it is a matter for both parties, including your own.
So, feel free to go and get your old job, and don’t be afraid of anything, a catastrophe will not happen even if you are refused ...
And remember that no one can devalue a person if the person himself does not allow this to happen ...
If you have serious obsessions and fears about getting a job and passing an interview, then you should contact a psychologist, you can online ... and solve emotional problems, not only for this job, but also for a future quality life.
Order a psychological training to reduce anxiety and fears
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